Admittedly (and ironically!), I was scrolling Facebook when I came across this quote that set a whole chain of thought into motion:
“And then she realised she was replaceable in every area of her life except her home. So she invested her time, her energy, and her heart wisely.”
Jillian Benfield
This had been posted on a ‘homemaking’ page and is overtly directed at mothers, this may or may not resonate with you (especially if you are a dad!) but keep reading… because there is a deep and powerful principle within these words for both mothers and fathers about investing our most precious resources where it REALLY counts.
The truth is that prioritising, understanding, and stewarding the influence you have as a parent is NOT just about physically being at home; it’s about HOW you invest your time, your energy, and above all your heart.
Perhaps you have experienced it:
- You can be physically present but emotionally absent.
- You can literally be there and yet completely unavailable.
- You can be in conversation and yet remain unconnected to your child.
Deep and meaningful connections, on the other hand, lead to deep and meaningful relationships that will continue long after the physical space between us and our children begins to naturally grow.
This is something I am continuing to practice.
ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.
It’s hard, and if you yourself have not experienced a healthy parent-child relationship growing up then it’s even harder! I often fall into old patterns of self-protection, escapism, anxiety, or just plain old selfishness.
Life is so busy, there are so many things to do, but no investment compares to what we we deposit in our children. This investment will continue to grow and bear fruit long after we leave this earth and into eternity.
Here are 3 simple things I am working on to intentionally build deeper relationships with my children.
1. EAT TOGETHER
Eat together as a family as often as you can. No screens or devices. Embrace the chaos, I promise there’s beauty to be found!
2. LISTEN
When your child speaks to you. Stop what you are doing, give them eye contact, and listen well. Listening isn’t just hearing, it’s seeking to understand what they are actually saying beyond the words they speak.
3. PLAN IN QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
‘Fail to plan and plan to fail’ as the old adage says. This could be more elaborate like a day out or a game or movie night. But small consistent habits are often more effective than one-off big events. Try planning a weekly ‘meeting’ together. I (aim to) schedule a hot drink with each of my kids weekly, just 10-15 minutes max, where we can catch up. We sit somewhere away from the rest of the world and we talk. I ask them what is good, what is a challenge, and how I can help them that week, I encourage them and pray for them. This works really well for bigger families where the opportunities for spontaneous one-on-one conversations is often rare!
REMEMBER though, like all worthy pursuits, building meaningful connections and relationships takes time, commitment, and perseverance!
What is your biggest challenge in building deep and meaningful relationships with your children?
Let me know in the comments.